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Friday, January 11, 2008

A Water Story...

The pictures below tell a story. Look at the pictures and see if you can figure out the story. Then scroll below and read the story and see if you were right!
Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there lived a Prince and his Princess in a Big, Old Castle*. The Castle was on one side of a creek, but the water meter for the Castle was on the other side of the creek. For five years the Prince and Princess had asked the various Kingdom Water Companies to move the meter over to the Castle where it belonged, but you know how Kingdom bureaucrats are! So for five years the Castle had a Big Hose that draped over the creek and brought water to the Castle. This didn't look very Princely, and it gets so cold in the Kingdom in the winter that their first winter in the Castle the water froze in the Big Hose and the Prince had to go thaw it with a blow torch. The Prince repeatedly replaced the Big Hose, once by tying it to a rock and flinging it over the creek to the Princess (the Prince has pretty good upper-body strength), and once by getting down into the creek (which made the Princess scream). The Prince insulated the hose, wrapping it in foam, putting it in a white plastic pipe, and all sorts of other magic things, but in the winter they always left the water running a bit in the Castle so the Big Hose wouldn't freeze and there would be running water for the guests from Far Away who came and paid to stay in the castle. And then one night, right before New Year's Eve, when it was very cold and snowing, the water in the Castle just stopped.
The Prince & Princess had guests in the Castle that night, and when the the guests arose in the morning, they found that they couldn't bathe or brush their teeth, and the Prince and Princess couldn't even make coffee for them before their departure! This was a Very Bad Thing,.as the Prince & Princess depended on their Castle's income to keep them out of the Poor House.
The Prince and Princess made many telephone calls to the Kingdom's Water Provider, but none were returned. They then learned that the Kingdom's Water Provider had a Big Problem, for many other people in the Kingdom were without water, as well. But when the Princess finally reached the Manager of the Water Provider, she was told that it was their problem- that even with the Castle taps running, the water must somehow have frozen in their Big Hose, and they would either have to replace the Big Hose themselves (in 18 degree cold during a snowstorm) or "wait until the temperature rose and the hose defrosted itself".
The Princess nicely explained that this Problem was the Water Provider's responsibility, as they'd already had 5 years to move the meter across the creek to the Castle, and that the Water Provider must have let the pressure get too low again for it to have frozen, even with the Castle's taps running, but the Water Provider kept repeating a passage from her Guide Book to the Princess, insisting that they didn't have to do anything. The Princess then actually begged for help putting a new hose across the creek, explaining that she had had a heart attack, and that the Prince had ruptured discs and a pinched nerve in his back and was in a lot of pain, but the Manager just read from her script again, word for word. The Prince and Princess waited, in the hope that someone would come to help them, but no one ever did.
Naturally, the Prince and Princess didn't want to stay dirty until the spring thaw, so the Prince went to Wal-Mart and bought a very long, green garden hose.
Then he fetched the Castle's fishing pole, and taped the end of the fishing line to the golden head of a magic, red arrow (1).
Then he jammed the fishing pole into the waistband of his jeans (2),
and he and the Princess, clad in Very Warm Clothing, went outside in back of the Castle (3),
whereupon the Prince shot the arrow across the half-frozen creek with his hunting bow! (4)
Then the Prince (whom the Princess- and a few other people- refer to as "McGuyver") cut the fishing line from the pole & tied the end to a rope (5),
and the Princess tied the rope to the garden hose, and the Prince went to the other side of the creek and found the magic arrow (6),
and pulled the hose across the creek (7, 8), and connected it to the water meter.
And that is how the Castle got it's water back!
And then Lo! The Prince and the Princess Bathed, with much Pomp (& bubble bath) and great gladness in their hearts, and they washed dishes and did laundry with great joy, and clad themselves in clean & festive garments, and there was merrymaking throughout the Castle, after which the Prince took a bunch of Tylenol.

But the water froze in the Big Hose the next day Again, because the pressure was too low, and Prince "McGuyver" went out there with his bow & arrow & fishing rod & another damn garden hose & did it again.
And again.
And again.
And the Princess, who by this time was truly ready to slam her head into a wall, e-mailed everyone she could think of (including the newspaper journalist) in the hopes that Someone in the Kingdom would give a hoot & McDowell County (oops- The Kingdom!) might see running water before the tulips came up & Wal-Mart ran out of Tylenol.
And so they lived happily ever after!
The End!
*The Castle is the Elkhorn Inn & Theatre, in Landgraff, West Virginia:

1 comment:

margaret said...

lol, glad the prince & princess could once again bathe... that is a unique quality in this smelly kingdom...